Sunday, January 07, 2007

Guilt Relief

Another rainbow shot, because it's there.

Today having been Saturday, I suppose you are assuming (if you thought about it at all; and really, why should you?) that I slept in until sometime past noon, and then spent the rest of the afternoon, evening and night messing around on Wikipedia.

If that's what you thought, you were half right. I did managed to sleep past 2 PM. But I've hardly done anything with Wikipedia today. Basically all I've done there is correct a typo or two, delete some duplicated info from the Snoopy article (and move one sentence), try to explain to someone why it's not a good idea to purge the term "lovable loser" from the Charlie Brown‎ article or claim he's a very good pitcher, and write a paragraph on the Back to the Future timeline talk page about whether traveling forward in time in Doc Brown's DeLorean creates a new timeline (not in and of itself, no).

(Amazing how my brain and fingers conspire sometimes to type nonsense. Just what is a Bach Time the Future timeline?)

Other than that, I went to Applebee's and brought a L'Engle book along, did a few dishes, and in between spent quite a few hours trying to get caught up with my church obligations. That included uploading five sermons in audio form (and one in Word as well), consulting with Father Smith in IM, updating the schedule page for the first time in a month, updating the seasons page for the first time since summer, posting a photo and some announcements, and updating the Sermons page several times over.

That was a fair amount of work, and especially time consuming on dial-up, since the sermons are several megabytes each. One of them couldn't be uploaded at all, because it was over 7 MB and Yahoo's limit is 5 MB. So John found a Windows program that let me edit the darn thing. Turned out that it included parts of the Mass from both before and after the sermon itself. I managed to trim off the Gospel, the Nicene Creed, the Prayers of the People and so on, but then the program wouldn't let me save the result. I eventually managed to save it as a Wave at 2.something MB. The mp3 version have been 18 MB!

And my computer was mean to me. The audio editor's installer froze up and wouldn't let me quit by any means. The upload page kept resetting instead of uploading. A sermon AOL insists I downloaded is nowhere to be found. The schedule page didn't want to be edited. Even a search window refused to go away, and my desktop icons disappeared, and this was after I'd rebooted one already. Phooey. I so need a new computer.

But the church web pages and blog are much better, and people can finally listen to all those long-delayed sermons. It's a start. And Monday I have a meeting to get started on the church directory. (Oh, joy.) I can start feeling a little less guilty now, and I can face the congregatio0n, sort of, when my name hits the ballot for the church vestry at the annual meeting in two weeks. Not that I want to win, but at least my iniquity in the form of neglected web pages is no longer as obvious and pervasive.

In the past week or so I've said encouraging things in comments to a few people who needed and deserved them. I especially remember saying that guilt is not a good and helpful thing. It paralyzes instead of inspiring change, and it reduces your confidence and sense of worth. I truly believe that. I certainly find in myself that guilt makes me not face my obligations. Unfortunately it's not easy for me to take the advice I glibly dish out, to dispense with guilt and just get on with it.

But today, at least, in one small ahead of my life, I got on with it.

Tomorrow, the gym. Maybe.

If you really loved me you'd give me
the rest of the turkey and dog biscuits.

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1 comment:

JessN said...

I also have issues with guilt, and tend to want to run away when I feel guilty about not completing a project. It's a terrible thing that I continue to work on.