Weekend Assignment #87: Answer one or more of the following musical conundrums:
1. Who let the dogs out?
2. Why do fools fall in love?
3. If birds can fly over the rainbow, why then, oh why, can't I?
4. Do you hear what I hear?
5. How do you solve a problem like Maria?
6. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?
7. Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell?
8. How long has this been going on?
9. I want to know, have you ever seen the rain? (Alternately: Why does it always rain on me?)
10. Does anybody really know what time it is?
(Yes, you can have silly answers. In fact, I encourage them!)
Extra Credit: Pose your own musical question.
1. The roofers and the appraiser, through the side gate. Only one dog, though. Tuffy was a good dog. When the roofers did it, Tuffy turned up at the front door a few minutes later.
2. These things are integral to the human condition: being a fool, and falling in love.
4. Probably not, unless you're listening to a tv commercial for Dentyne mints.
5. Marry her off to a rich widower with a musical family. Hey, it worked once.
6. By skipping ahead to dessert? I don't know the reference.
7. Not particularly, and no, I don't promise not to tell. I would need to know more than this to make such a promise. However, I won't reveal the secrets behind the book Do You Want to Know a Secret? by L.R.E. King.
8. Depends on what "this" is.
10. Time, time, time. See what's become of me?
And speaking of rainbows:
3. First off, let's quote this song correctly, shall we?
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh why can't I?
Second, John, your question is based on a false premise. Birds can't fly over the rainbow. Rainbows are generally too high for that, and second, the refraction of light is unlikely to produce the same effect as the birds reach that portion of the sky. Therefore, since the premise is false, the entire question, as posed by Scalzi, has a truth value of False.
Okay, but, what if it were true? What if we posit a universe in which birds can indeed fly over the rainbow? That's the logical exptrapolation of this question. So, if we're in the false universe in which birds fly over the rainbow, then why, oh why, can't I?
This also has a negative truth value. Clearly, I can fly over the rainbow, if and only if my name is Dorothy, and my house gets picked up by a tornado, carried to Oz, and dropped on a witch.
See? I run rings around you logically!
1. Send me a postcard, drop me a line, stating point of view:
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?
2. Did you have to treat me oh so bad? All I do is hang my head and moan.
3. Isn't it good? Norwegian wood.
4. If I fell in love with you, would you promise to be true, and help me understand?
5. How could I dance with another, when I saw her standing there?
6. Would you believe in a love at first sight?
7. What do you see when you turn out the light?
8. What do I do when my love is away?
9. How do I feel at the end of the day?
10. I'm looking through you - where did you go? I thought I knew you - what did I know?
The Wizard of Oz materials from the DVD box set, copyright MGM.
The Beatles Anthology CD cover copyright Apple Corps, EMI.